Went weird: 2016
Remember when we were twelve...
This is an extract from the book...
As they got nearer to the ground, the squirrels could see the three rabbits standing in front of two entrances which must be the burrows that crossed the Pinkerton Road. They made their way towards the rabbits but weren’t heard over the roar of the traffic. Standing behind them, they arrived at the same conclusion as the others. And realised the reason for them staring silently at the burrows. This would be tight for Hutch. With or without shorts.
‘Looks like there’s just enough room Hutch!’ shouted Rick from behind, trying to be heard over the noise.
As Hutch turned around to acknowledge the squirrels, he was unable to see the two Weird Rabbits grimacing behind him.
‘We’ve checked out both burrows and the right hand one is slightly bigger. We just need bunny boy to get over his nerves!’ shouted the shorter Weird Rabbit. ‘Come on Hutch, time for action. Get your shorts off and get in!’ Hutch ignored the last remark and reluctantly he poked his head inside the burrow for his first look.
‘It’s a bit dark!’ he said, more to himself than anyone else.
‘Just get on with it!’ came the response from the taller Weird Rabbit. ‘I’ll come around from the other side and get in front of you. You can then follow me out!’ and he disappeared down the left burrow.
Hutch pulled himself out and gave a final nod to the group. This was more for his own benefit. It gave him the opportunity to draw a last big breath to steel himself. And then he was gone. For about four feet.
‘I’m stuck!’ came the faint voice of Hutch, now wedged firmly in the burrow.
The remaining group looked at each other despondently. With a sigh, the shorter Weird Rabbit went into the burrow to investigate. By now, the other Weird Rabbit was in front of Hutch and trying to pull him slowly through the burrow. With the shorter Weird Rabbit pushing from behind, all they managed to do was move him another two feet. And wedge him tighter. Now that they were underground, the traffic noise was reduced to a rumble and they were able discuss the problem comfortably.
‘Pull his shorts off.’
‘Oi, get off me you freak!’ was all Hutch could think of saying as he felt the tugging on his shorts from behind.
‘No use, they won’t budge. What’s the situation up front?’
‘If we could move him another foot or so, the burrow opens slightly. It might be just enough to get him through. Let’s have another go at moving him. Can you get a squirrel in there as well?’
‘Yes, should be just enough room. I’ll get one in. Don’t go away’ and the two Weird Rabbits began giggling at Hutch’s predicament.
‘Rick! Can you get in here please?!’
‘Ooh, this is cosy’ came Rick’s reply as he was confronted by Hutch’s rear end. ‘Have you tried pulling his shorts off?’ and Hutch was subjected to another, slightly less inhibited attack on his shorts with the same result. Nothing would move.
‘Have you all finished?’ was all Hutch could manage.
‘We need to stop and think about this’ offered Rick. ‘What are the options?’
‘We could grease him up!’ said the taller Weird Rabbit in a moment of inspiration.
‘Grease me up?! Nobody is greasing me up!’ shouted Hutch, now in a growing state of agitation.
But nobody was listening.