Dr Richard Ingoldsby - an insight from history

Extract from a letter from the Master, Peterhouse College to General Sir David Ingoldsby December 1981

...which is not conducive to the image or good name of this college. I have only written to you as a last resort in the hope that you can inject a sense of maturity into Richard's attitude that up to now has been entirely absent in his approach to his time at this college. Richard has a brilliant mind and it would be a travesty if that mind were to be ruined by the continued use of alcohol and drugs that would seem to be his preferred method of preparing for lectures.

I feel I must be frank with you David because it's getting more difficult to cover up his indiscretions. Had it been any other student, I would have been forced to expel him from the college. I would also be eternally grateful if you would also ask him to stop referring to Mr Ellis as 'that cunt with the limp'...

Extract from Police interview at Gosport Police Station with Detective Constable Phillips and Detective Constable Willis following arrest on suspicion of possessing marijuana April 1982

DCP: Where is it?

RI: Where's what?

DCP: You know what?

RI: No I don't

DCP: Yes you do

RI: Can't we do some 'good cop, bad cop' stuff like on TV. Your mate hasn't said fuck all yet. Is he the good cop or the bad cop. You seem to be neither. You need to be more decisive with your approach to this interview. This is getting boring. Can I have my chicken back please?

DCP: No, you cannot have your Kentucky Fried Chicken back. It's with the custody Sergeant. You can have it when you leave

RI: It's not Kentucky Fried Chicken

DCP: What?

RI: It's not Kentucky Fried Chicken. It's Chunky fucking Chicken. CFC not KFC. They're not the same thing

DCP: I don't care what it's called, you're not having it. Now where is it?

RI: It should be accurate if it's on the record. It's not KFC, it's Chunky Chicken

DCW: Listen son, we're running this interview so just answer the questions

RI: Hello hello, plod's woken up. You won't catch any crims if you can't document the evidence properly. At least with a tape recorder you won't have to rely on your Comprehensive School education to spell the big words. Come on big boy, show us your bad side

DCP: Interview is suspended at 11:10pm as suspect has accidently fallen off his chair

Extracts from a letter from Sir David Ingoldsby to Master of Peterhouse College 1983

....and he certainly didn't get that from me. I can only think that my father has said something to him  at some point. You know my father better than I do but I can't imagine that he would tell Richard something like that just to annoy or undermine you. If my father says that's what happened, then it probably did. The fact that you've published something to the contrary is neither here nor there.  The thing is with Richard is that if he sees a weakness in something, he will poke a dirty stick into it - and that's an Ingoldsby trait that neither of us can affect. To reassure you, my father also thinks Cowling is an arrogant fool and I suspect that this is Richard having a pop at all of  you.

 

Which brings me onto another subject old chap. The Reverend Timothy Brown. Please do something about him before I do. I've recently spoken to an old school friend of Richard's who enlightened me on some of the Reverend's propensity for Sunday morning entertainment and I couldn't find it listed anywhere in the bible old chap. For Christ's sake don't mention it to Richard as he is particularly protective towards young Billy and I don't want it interupting his studies. Talk to the Archbishop and get him posted elsewhere for his own good please.

 

Now then, this other subject.

...whilst I fully appreciate your predicament, I can't let you have access. Sometimes history is best left as it is Hugh. Can you imagine the disbelief and the hoo-ha? Incidentally, the Walther is there along with everything else, since you ask.

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Amazon review...

A perfect blend of normal and fantasy!!! Myth and magic!!! Characters are so believable. Found it hard to put down

© 2016 by Mark Fisher